the spastics on the telly put me off my mince pie
i looked round to see granny's teeth
"tinsel is a snake" i said, but
they didn't hear me
(over the queens peach-
which rose out of the wrapping
like a statue)
hear me out i say
i'm here with this aftershave what
you've got me
the bottle is a man with a cock
like a toblerone
it's confusing
and smells mainly of
tears
but in a way
it's just what i've always
wanted